A Matter of Trust
by ChEmMiE
Summary: The visitor in Gibbs' basement was one he definitely had not expected. - Ray shows up at Gibbs' house after the fight with Ziva.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I wrote this story late last week in a notebook while laying outside in the sun (never knew Canada could be this warm), something I've NEVER been able to do.. always only written on a computer.**  
><strong>The idea just sort of popped into my head and I had to write it down... I know it's completely OOC but as I said, just wrote it down on a whim (sp?)... Haven't even read it through after besidescopying it onto the computer (and don't really pay attention to that).<strong>

**Anyways, there are 2 more chapters to this that I'll post if people want them..**  
><strong>(and nope, English is NOT my first language, so I guarantee you that there will be some mistakes..)<strong>

**Now, ENJOY!**

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><p>The soft click of his front door quietly getting pushed shut was something Gibbs had grown accustomed to over the past decade of working with NCIS. His door was always open, no matter what time of the day, and over the years this fact seemed to have become common knowledge, not only to those close to him but to everyone who knew about Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and within the US intelligence community that seemed to be just about everyone. That didn't mean he got visits very often, however, as he very rarely saw anyone but his team in his basement during these occasional night time visits, with the rare appearance of a federal agency director or the SecNav, so the almost undetectable trace on unfamiliar footsteps making their way through his house was enough to make Gibbs' hand still completely in the middle of sanding his latest project.<p>

He didn't turn around to face the stairs, though, not even when he heard the door to the basement open and close or when his guest slowly descended the creaky wooden stairs – maybe fixing those should become his next project, considering how often he himself used them – instead he emptied out one of his multiple big glass jars before filling it with a gracious amount of bourbon, preparing himself for the yet unknown talk coming up.

When he finally did turn to face his visitor he had to force himself not to show his surprise at the person sitting on the bottom steps.

"Special Agent Gibbs." Though Gibbs figured he really shouldn't be surprised that the CIA knew where he lived, he still hadn't expected to see this specific man in his house. "Ziva… She told me about going here… Or well, about how your door is open for people." The younger man sounded uncertain, scared even, and Gibbs suspected that he was at least slightly drunk, but couldn't be certain until he spoke some more or at least looked up from his hands which hung folded between his legs, elbows resting on his knees.

"It is." He leaned back against his workbench, taking a sip of his preferred alcohol as he studied the man before him. He honestly did not know how to feel about the CIA agent. Not only did he generally not like anyone working for intelligence agencies, not believing them to be trustworthy at all, but he had only met the guy once and that hadn't been enough to determine what kind of man he was. Gibbs knew, however, that until very recently he had managed to make Ziva happy, something that definitely wasn't an easy task, especially after the events a few years back, and that did earn him the privilege of at least being given a chance.

Besides, he was here now, in Gibbs' basement, looking completely defeated. If he was that big of a bastard he wouldn't be here, because it definitely wasn't case related. Not even the Port-To-Port killer would have a CIA agent coping like this.

"I would offer you a drink, but I'm guessing you might have had enough for the night." While it was phrased as a statement rather than a question, Gibbs still saw the snort coming from the young man on the stairs for what it was: confirmation that his suspicion was correct.

"I managed to stay away from the booze for the first ten days. Pretty sure I've been drunk none-stop for the past week, though." For the first time since arriving at the practically stranger's house that night he looked up to meet Gibbs' eyes, but the team leader wasn't surprised at the least that he seemed to be somewhere else entirely. "She won't return any of my phone calls or my texts. I think she even blocked my email." The last part was uttered as a dry chuckle, but both men knew there was no humor in it whatsoever.

"Probably did." He wasn't trying to make the CIA agent hurt even more than he obviously already did, but he wasn't going to lie to the man either, and knowing Ziva and how practical she liked to be, however irrational it might be, he couldn't see her allowing her inbox to get filled up with emails she didn't intend to read and only serve to constantly remind her of what was going on.

"I'm sorry… I…" Ray was shaking his head and waving the hand not pinching the bridge of his nose around in the air as if gesturing to the words he could not find, and Gibbs wasn't sure whether he was apologizing for telling so much while almost breaking down, if he saw Gibbs' short reply as being annoyed about his presence there or if it was something else completely, but he wasn't going worry about that.

"Don't apologize…"

"I know. Sign of weakness!" The marine allowed a small smirk to momentarily cross his lips at the interruption, quickly deciding against letting his late night visitor know that that wasn't what he had planned on saying, but rather that there really was no need to apologize.

"She tells you a lot." The discovery surprised Gibbs more than he would've suspected. Yes, she definitely wasn't the same person he had met almost 6 years ago, far from it in fact, especially after everything with Somalia, but he still had trouble imagining an open, carefree Ziva who shared things about her life with anyone else, regardless of who they were. He couldn't help but feel slightly relieved at this piece of news, though, and he suspected that this information would have managed to even cheer him up under different circumstances.

"In a way." Gibbs raising his eyebrow was enough to make the still intoxicated man crack and continue talking. "She has no problem talking about any of you guys or NCIS, she tells me everything about that, but she never talks about her past or her family, and I'm fine with that, that stuff doesn't matter if she doesn't want it to." Gibbs really wasn't sure what to think about that. While he admired the guy for caring enough about his team member to not let anything but who she was now matter, and she obviously meant a lot to him, Gibbs also realized that that that lack of knowledge and insight was the culprit of this whole mess.

And that's what he would put his focus on for now, instead of his own feelings of dread over Ziva apparently supressing everything rather than working through it as he'd hoped, seemingly not nearly as healed as he'd believed. But he'd push those thoughts to the back of his mind for now to dwell upon once he was alone.

"What _do_ you know about her?" When Ray finally made real eye contact with Ziva's boss, the confusion in his eyes was unmistakeable. "About her past."

"Just that she used to be Mossad, that her father is the director." As genuine as he seemed, Gibbs had trouble believing that was all the CIA agent knew. He was after all CIA, and what investigator or intelligence operative would settle for something like that when they had the means to uncover practically everything?

"And you haven't done any digging?" To the man's …, Gibbs had to admit that he really looked disdained just at the thought of going behind Ziva's back to gain any information, but after the first few minutes of shock at the unexpected question he almost looked ashamed.

"I guess I have, kind of." Now it was Gibbs' turn to be confused, and his hard stare sure didn't hide the fact. "When I first met her in Miami." He knew it wasn't enough of an explanation, so he took a deep breath before he tried to explain himself.

"She intrigued me; she seemed so different, so mysterious." Gibbs couldn't argue with that, so he just gave a short nod to make the man continue. "So I mentioned her to some colleagues, just her name and nothing else, and they all looked at me as if they'd seen a ghost. Cause apparently Ziva David is quite famous within the intelligence world." Gibbs had to fight not to snort at that comment but couldn't prevent the smile from appearing on his face. It was no secret that Ziva was good, one of the best in Mossad when it was still her entire life, and the operation that got compromised a while back because the terrorists knew her identity just proved exactly how well known she was.

The younger man's sigh signalled that his story was over, and once again Gibbs just raised an eyebrow.

"If that is the extend of your _digging_ I think you're in the clear." Gibbs' statement didn't manage to make the other man look any less torn, though. "Although I find it hard to believe that anyone with your resources hasn't tried to obtain more information, especially after what your colleagues told you."

"I just figured that something must have happened to make her leave it behind. And that she would tell me if she felt it was important." Gibbs felt like banging his head against something. This guy was so head over heels in love with Ziva that it was clouding his judgement way worse than it should. And despite how happy he was to see someone finally caring this much about the woman he considered a daughter, he knew it wasn't enough.

Everyone knew that relationships were far from Gibbs' strongest talent, so it even surprised himself how much he actually wanted to help sort this out and get through to the man in front of him, but at the same time he really didn't want to share anything about Ziva. The girl had been hurt too much in her short life, and Gibbs didn't want to be added to the already long list of people who'd betrayed her trust.

"Why'd you come here, Agent Cruz?" He seemed to contemplate the question for a while before shrugging his shoulders dejectedly.

"I'm not sure. Guess I was just looking for some answers and somehow hoping to find them here."

"What happened?" Gibbs had resigned himself to the fact that he would have to help in some way, if not for the sanity of the two people currently occupying his basement, then for Ziva, because he had really enjoyed seeing her happy and he didn't want to lose that again. But to help he needed to her the other side of the story, cause so far all he knew was that Ray had supposedly lied to Ziva.

"She thinks I lied to her. She thinks I was just using her as a _back-up plan_." He had to close his eyes as he recited the words she'd said herself a few weeks prior. Normally he would never be this open about his problems, least of all with a stranger, but there was just too much alcohol in his system.

Gibbs had to suppress his need to scream at someone or kick or hit something at Ray's admission. He really didn't need to be reminded about how similar this all sounded to most of Ziva's other relationships.

"I actually told her I loved her but she wouldn't believe me. Said she couldn't trust me." The knuckles on both of his hands were white clenching his fists so hard. "She even thought I have something going on with Agent Barrett, just because I've been working with her on the port-to-port killer for some time." The last sentence was said in a laugh, proving just how ridiculous Ray himself thought that was, but Gibbs wasn't amused at all.

"And does she have reason to believe any of those things?"

"No! Or well I guess some of it is justified concerns, but none of it is true. At least not intentionally." The last part was mumbled barely loud enough for Gibbs to hear it, but he instantly knew that the CIA agent was referring to the part about him keeping things from Ziva.

"She doesn't trust easily. You of all people should be able to understand that." Gibbs really tried to share as little information as possible, attempting to stick to what should be obvious to the man that was so in love with her.

"I do understand that, Agent Gibbs, I really do. I know that trust isn't handed out easily in our world, but I figured she left that behind when she left Mossad." As he spoke, even Ray seemed to realize just how naive it really sounded. "Although I guess I guess it is one of those things that are hard to let go once it's instilled in you to such an extent."

Gibbs was starting to suspect that maybe Ray was just really naïve rather than oblivious as he'd previously thought. Considering how madly in love with Ziva he seemed to be it somehow made sense that he subconsciously intentionally overlooked all signs that something was off, refusing to believe that she wasn't perfectly happy and normal. And the older man knew that it would be impossible for Ray not to know about the excessive amount of scars undoubtedly covering Ziva's body or the nightmares he knew still haunted her occasionally. Heck, Gibbs was surprised she'd even managed a relationship this serious considering how hard it was for her to trust anyone.

"She's got trust issues, Ray, and they extend way past Mossad or assassin or spy training." He added the last part, knowing that training alone wasn't enough to create trust issues this bad, but having it practically beaten into you from the time you learn to walk as Ziva most likely had and then having people betray that trust the few times it _was_ given unfortunately seemed to do the trick.

"Why?" As much as Gibbs knew the guy cared he couldn't give him the answer he so desperately wanted.

"That isn't my answers to give you, but Ziva's." The team leader hadn't thought the defeated look on Ray's face could get any worse, but it did, and Gibbs knew exactly why. Ziva couldn't really answer anything since she was currently ignoring him.

Sensing that the conversation wouldn't be able to progress further without Gibbs spilling secrets that really weren't his to share, he returned the now empty glass jar to the workbench and picked up his discarded sander, turning back to the toy box he was currently building for Amira.

He didn't acknowledge the man still seated quietly behind him on the stairs, and while he knew there wasn't really anything to add to their conversation and him returning to his work could easily be considered as dismissing the confused, heartbroken man, he never completely blocked him out in case he did choose to continue talking.

It was more than half an hour later before Gibbs heard the squeaking sounds of footsteps ascending the stars, alerting him to the fact that his visitor was finally leaving. It wasn't until he heard the front door quietly shutting, however, that he finally allowed himself to take a deep breath as he sunk down onto one of his makeshift chairs. That was one visit and conversation that he definitely had not seen coming.

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><p><strong>Now, if you feel like making my day, REVIEW! (goodbad, I don't care... just like hearing from people what they thought... and if you want me to post more chapters..)**  
><strong>Also, I myself am absolutely HORRIBLE at reviewing, so often if I really like a story I end up with something like "loved it" cause I honestly don't know what else to say (just trying to say that I understand people who are bad at reviewing - like myself! :D)<strong>

**And one last thing, do yourself a favor and go to amazon to pre-order Jackie Evancho's new CD Dream With Me! :D You definitely won't regret it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who read and reviewed! I would have answered your reviews, but for some reason ffn wouldn't let me :/**

**Well, this chapter is waaaay more OOC than the first one (I mean really, they would never act like this on the show)... But oh well :P**  
><strong>(and didn't proof read this one either.. I REALLY need to start doing that!)<strong>

**Enjoy!**

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><p>A few days later, Gibbs managed to finally end up having a moment alone with Ziva, despite how much he'd tried to avoid it. But since DiNozzo had ended up getting sent home because he was too sick to be at work – his constant coughing was driving all of them insane – and McGee was busy doing whatever it was he did with Abby when they did their computer magic, he'd ended up having to go with his single female field agent to follow up on a lead 2.5 hours outside of DC.<p>

He would have to admit that generally he would prefer being accompanied by Ziva on these long trips simply because much like him, she wasn't a talker, and he would go crazy having to listen to DiNozzo's random movie quotes or McGee's nervous babbling.

But today was different. Being alone in a car with her he really felt the need to talk to her about what had transpired in his basement a few days before, despite how much he wanted to stay out of it. He just wasn't sure whether it was for Ray or Ziva or even his own sanity, but he somehow felt that it would be like lying to Ziva or going behind her back if he didn't let her know.

"Agent Cruz sho…"

"Please Gibbs, not you too." It wasn't the fact that she cut him off instantly that surprised Gibbs, but rather the disbelief that was so clear in her voice as she practically chuckled her reply. When Gibbs just raised an eyebrow questioningly, Ziva dismissingly shook her head. "Tony already tried talking to me." She turned her gaze back to the book in her hand, clearly done with the unwanted conversation, but Gibbs wasn't as quick to let it go.

"Oh yeah?" Gibbs wasn't really surprised that DiNozzo had tried to get Ziva to open up about it, and as intrigued as he was about what he might have said, he really just hoped that he hadn't been all joking and teasing about it, because he was sure that was the last thing Ziva currently needed. A sigh and an eye roll warned him that he was likely getting a response, even though she never looked away from her book.

"Yes." It took multiple seconds of Gibbs staring her down before she reluctantly closed her book, her finger still in place so she could find the page again later. "He gave me the 'he was sworn to secrecy' speech." The team leader took a few moments to think this over, but was relieved to note that his companion hadn't returned to her book yet but was rather staring out the window. And that was the only indication she gave that she was actually hurt, whereas she'd acted as if nothing had happened up until this point.

"He came to my house a few nights ago." Her head snapped towards him the second the admission left his mouth, and Gibbs heard the unmistakable sound of a sharp intake of air. It took quite a while and more than a few times of opening and closing her mouth before Ziva managed to respond.

"Why are you doing this, Gibbs?" Her voice sounded tortured and it pained Gibbs more than he'd like to admit.

"Because you can't keep on running, Ziver." He knew tough and rational would work better on Ziva than emotional and sympathetic, plus from what he'd seen so far from both Ziva and Ray's reactions, she _was_ once again trying to deal with a problem by completely burying it and pretending it didn't exist.

"I am not running from anything, Gibbs, because there is nothing to run from." She made it sound so plain and simple that Gibbs almost felt tempted to believe it himself. Almost.

This time Ziva did open up her book to continue reading, clearly done talking, but Gibbs never left anything unfinished and he wasn't planning on starting now. So bracing himself for the onslaught of anger that was surely about to hit him he grabbed the book from her hands and tossed it onto the empty back seat, receiving a surprised and outraged look from the woman next to him.

"What the hell, Gibbs?"

"Do us both a favour and stop lying, Ziver." If he thought she'd looked mad before she looked absolutely pissed now, and he could just picture an upset teenage Ziva with that exact look on her face, arms crossed across her chest as she stomped off and slammed every door that dared be in her way. Although he plainly refused to consider what consequences actions like those might have brought her if her father was aware of how she acted.

"How dare you…"

"Agent Cruz sure gave me the impression that s_omething_ happened to your relationship." He had wanted to stay as neutral as possible, not getting into any details, but he should have known that that wouldn't have been possible, least of all when dealing with someone as unwilling to talk and share any information as Ziva.

"Exactly. _Agent_ Cruz. The relationship never existed." It was like all of her anger just evaporated with that last sentence, leaving her with what Gibbs thought sounded an awful lot like acceptance. And that was just like a powerful punch to the gut.

"Why, because he's CIA?" Ziva just laughed, completely unfazed by how he swerved to the side a car actually sticking to the speed limit.

"I would think that of all people you would not question the logic of that."

"There's always the odd exception." He answered with a shrug of his shoulders, not missing the confused and hurt look on Ziva's face. Gibbs wasn't surprised that she turned back to the window after that. But as much as he hated doing this he knew he couldn't just stop now, though, as all that would accomplish would be causing Ziva more hurt rather than actually helping as he was aiming for.

"Look, Ziva, we both know I usually don't do this, but…"

"Then don't." The empty look in her eyes and the sorrowful look on her face made her look so much younger, and Gibbs was painfully reminded about how young his newest team member actually was. She was younger than Kelly would have been had she still been alive, even if only by a few months.

"I was stupid to believe he could ever care about me in the first place." At first all Gibbs wanted to do was shake his head at how stubborn she was, since she obviously hadn't been listening to anything he'd said, but then her statement registered fully and it was _her_ he wanted to shake. He was actually scared to think about what it might mean.

"Ziver…" He wasn't even sure where he was going himself, not knowing whether he felt more inclined to be yelling at her or engulfing her in a big hug, so he just let the sentence hang.

"You're a sensible, rational person, Gibbs. You cannot honestly tell me that it does not all make sense." It seemed that Ziva herself had taken on the anger, now practically screaming at her boss. "I'm a killer. A cold hearted, sociopathic murderer." As much as Gibbs wanted to hit something and scream at her and contradict her, the words were stuck in his throat from the shock of hearing her say that as he continued staring straight ahead, although no longer really seeing the traffic.

"I'm damaged goods, Gibbs. What man could possibly ever want me – my body – unless he was ordered to?" Seeming to realize how much she'd just shared with her boss, yelled at him in a moment of weakness, she abruptly turned back to her window while biting her lower lip, her eyes wide and glassy.

Gibbs had thought her previous exclamations had been bad but now he felt physically ill, having to force himself not to pull over to puke his guts out. He knew there were multiple different layers and meanings in what she'd just shared with him and all of them were equally horrifying. Not just the reference to how scarred her body was with both visible and invisible wounds, but how she believed herself to be broken beyond repair and incapable of being loved.

Gibbs realized with great displeasure that this wasn't about Ziva's trust issues nearly as much as it was caused by her obviously broken self-worth. Just how had he managed to miss this?

"Any sane man." The team leader was positive that it wasn't going to work even before the words had left his mouth and Ziva's snort confirmed that, but he truly just wished that for once she would see what he himself and everyone else saw. She was a beautiful person, and that didn't just cover her looks but her personality too. Not many people with her past and upbringing would be able to turn out nearly as well as she had, would have the strength and the morals to help people rather than turn crazy.

"Ziva, do you care about anyone?" That finally got her to turn around and look at him with disbelief written all over her face.

"How can you even ask that, Gibbs? You know I would give my life for any of you."

"Exactly! We both know how much you care, and not only for the people closest to you, so don't you _dare_ ever believe that you are cold hearted or emotionless. And you are definitely not a sociopath! If you were you would still be blindly following your father's orders or more than likely have gone rogue by now." He knew that he himself sounded pretty angry now, and he was. He just hoped that Ziva knew it wasn't her per se he was mad at, but rather those ridiculous thoughts running around in her head and whoever and whatever had put them there in the first place.

For a while the younger woman seemed completely dumbstruck, just staring at the man next to her, old enough to be her father.

"Doesn't change the fact that I'm a killer." He knew it wouldn't be so easy to convince her, that one lecture wouldn't be enough but that she would need lots of time and continuous proof and confirmation before she herself would begin to believe it, and her attempt to hold on to her claims proved that.

"I know you don't like to trust people, Ziva, and I don't blame you, but trust me on this one. That guy is madly in love with you, and I think you owe it to yourself to at least hear him out before you shut him out completely."

"Why are you taking his side, Gibbs?" And she truly did seem more hurt and confused over this than the fact that Gibbs was trying to give relationship advice.

"Because I care about _you_, Ziva, and as much of a jerk as this guy might be or have been I saw how happy he made you. So yes, he might have screwed up, but I highly doubt he did it intentionally."

"That does not matter, Gibbs." He wasn't sure which part she was referring to, and he somewhat doubted that she even knew herself.

"I'm not telling you to trust him or anyone else completely; But Ziva, not every man out there has some secret agenda. They _can_ care about you and love you despite how many scars might cover your body." The last sentence acted as a physical slap to her face, most likely because unlike the rest of his lecture she couldn't just block it out or deny it, and it _was_ an unspoken rule that it was forbidden territory.

"You cannot know that."

"Would you care if he had a bunch of scars, or if any of your friends did?" She seemed completely taken aback by that question, clearly not having expected it or ever thought about it.

"No?" She sincerely didn't seem to see the importance of her answer, or even the question.

"Then why should it matter to him?" Ziva just shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, obviously not knowing what to answer, but it wasn't needed. Gibbs knew that for most of Ziva's life her body had been her most valuable weapon, so it only made sense how having it marked like she did would have that greater of an effect on her than it would on most other people.

"Well, to any proper man it should not mean anything. It doesn't make you any less beautiful." Ziva just returned to her position of looking out of the window at the cars they sped by, and Gibbs wasn't sure if she was embarrassed by what he'd said or just simply didn't believe him. But if he had to make a guess he would put his money on the latter of the two.

"Can you pull over at the next stop? I need to use the bathroom." Her voice sounded completely void of emotion, and Gibbs was certain that all she needed was to get away from him, if only for a few minutes. He didn't blame her, though, and it wasn't like there was anywhere she could go while being confined to the tiny space of a car with him.

"Sure." He didn't get any reaction from her, so he gently grabbed one of the hands lying in her lap in his own without taking his eyes off of the road, not surprised when she visibly flinched. "Just remember, Ziver, that you can't expect anyone to be completely honest and open with you if you don't let them in at all." Giving her hand a squeeze he retracted it just as he pulled in to a Starbucks. He needed a coffee, and the biggest one they had.

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><p><strong>Feel free to leave a review on your way out :D (cause yes, I DO have one more chapter written so far)<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Since the review reply apparently isn't working lately, I thought I'd answer/comment on some things here... **

**I don't know if Ray is like how I wrote him at all, probably not, but that's the beauty of fanfics, right? You can write people however you want them to be :)**  
><strong>And no, there's no 'Zibbs' in this story, just the ZivaGibbs father-daughter thing... And Tiva? Well.. That works wonderful in fics, but I just don't get that vibe from the show very much anymore :( (so as much as I like reading Tiva stuff, I don't see it actually happening on the show, so Ziva deserves to be with someone who makes her happy!)**

**Anyways, thanks to EVERYONE who's read and reviewed and favorited etc!**  
><strong>I hope this last chapter won't dissappoint you! (even though yes, I realize this is super short!)<strong>

**ENJOY!**

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><p>Ray definitely hadn't expected anyone to knock on the door of his hotel room past midnight the night before he was flying out of D.C., but it was the person standing on the other side of the door, once he finally managed to find and open the lock in the pitch black darkness, that really surprised him.<p>

"Ziva." She was looking down at her hands which were currently busy picking at a random cuticle , her newly cut hair messily hiding her face from view, but Ray could still see her biting her lower lip.

"I am sorry, Ray."

"Don't be!" He opened the door wider for her, letting the light from the hallway flow into his CIA-provided hotel room. "Come inside." She shook her head without looking up, but as she entered the rook just as hesitantly as she'd spoken mere seconds before, he guessed that the gesture must have been directed towards his first exclamation.

"Sit down." He wanted nothing more than to engulf her in a big hug, so extremely excited to finally see her again, but wasn't sure if that was the best thing to do at the moment. And he was pretty sure _she_ wouldn't appreciate it. "Do you want anything to drink? I have beer, or coffee, or I could make you some tea…" The shaking of her head was enough to make him stop talking, even as he was busily rummaging through the cupboards in what was supposedly a kitchen.

"I'm good." For a moment neither of them said anything, and Ray wasn't sure how long he watched her stand by the door and fiddle with the hem of her oversized sweatshirt before she finally met his gaze. He'd expected the look in her eyes to be as uncertain as she acted, possibly even hurt, but there was a layer of determination and guardedness that he couldn't remember ever seeing in her eyes before.

'I am sorry I have been ignoring you."

"It's okay, I understand. You were mad…"

"I _am_ mad." She didn't sound mad, but Ray took it as it was meant, a reminder that she hadn't let go of all of the anger yet. Her eyes were closed as she took a deep breath, and Ray decided that the smartest thing for him to do would be to just stay quiet and let her choose where this was going. At least for now.

"But… I figured I at least owed it to you to let you know why." Still without looking at him she made her way past him, sitting down in the far corner of the couch and tucking her legs under her. Choosing to continue his tactic from before, Ray quietly followed her and allowed himself to sink down on the table, not too close to her but not as far away from her as he could get either.

"My last… _boyfriend_…" Ray thought it was almost as hard listening to Ziva talk about her previous relationships as it was for to actually talk about it, although for completely different reasons, but he would gladly listen since he was pretty sure this was at least part of what Agent Gibbs had been referring to. "He was… My father, he…" She sounded more and more nervous, like she couldn't find the words she was looking for, and Ray was starting to dread whatever it was she was trying to tell him.

"He was under orders from my father." She didn't have to elaborate for Ray to understand just what she was saying, and he had to admit that he could see how she might be inclined to believe that this was just history repeating itself. But he also didn't think that an event like that alone, despite how horrible it was, was enough to plant the paranoia and trust issues that she supposedly had in her, especially considering how strong a person she would have had to be with her life.

"I'm not following any orders, Ziva." There was nothing he could say to make her hurt any less from what she'd just told him about, he knew that, so he chose to stick to what he himself had told her before, desperately hoping that she'd believe it if she heard it enough times.

"I know that!" The sentence had left her mouth before she even had a chance to consider what to reply. Taking a deep breath she managed to bring her voice back to its previous volume, and Ray wasn't sure which he hated the most. The yelling or the uncertain, doubtful tone of her voice. "I mean, I _know_ that, but…" She didn't have to finish the sentence for Ray to know exactly what she was getting at.

There was a concrete difference between rationally knowing something and actually believing it.

"I get it." He said it just as much for himself as for her, not being able to watch her struggle with looking for words that obviously didn't want to be found, and he had never been happier to see that small, grateful smile grace her face. "And I'm sorry I brought up those memories."

"Ray, look, there are other things… I have a very dark past and…" She was looking away again, once more trying to sort through her mind to figure out how to say whatever she was thinking, and Ray decided that he didn't particularly like this new, uncertain side of Ziva, despite her currently trying to open up to him. "I can't tell you these things, not yet… I just don't trust very easily."

Even admitting that was a huge step for Ziva. She hadn't planned on doing this, but after talking to Tony and Gibbs, however involuntarily both of those chats had been, she'd actually thought things over and finally allowed herself to read through some of the emails that were still saved in her junk mail folder. She honestly didn't know what it meant that she'd come here tonight, but something inside her had decided that it wouldn't be fair to leave the man completely in the dark.

Gibbs had after all been right on at least one account – Ray _had_ made her happy.

"Will you ever be able to tell me?" This time Ziva turned her gaze towards him, looking him straight in the eyes and Ray was more than happy to see that the walls and barriers from before were gone, leaving her eyes completely open and honest.

They both knew how much weight was in this question, how important the answer was. It would most likely determine everything about them and their future.

"I don't know. I have not decided yet." After a few seconds Ray nodded, not sure how else to respond to her statement. But he knew that at this point it was up to Ziva to decide what happened. "I need time, Ray. I need to think things over." A weight lifted from his chest, one that he wasn't even aware had been there until it was gone. While her statement had sounded pretty final, the words made him believe that there was still a chance, especially since she had actually showed up and talked to him.

Before he even realized what she was doing she had left the couch, coming to stand right in front of him.

"I'll wait for you, Ziva." She gave him a smile and he couldn't help but think it looked a bit sad, however sincere it might be. When he stood up from the table as well she leaned up on her toes and letting a hand rest on his cheek, pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

"Don't wait too long." Stunned, Ray couldn't move from his spot in the middle of the floor as he watched Ziva stealthily make her way through the hotel room, the door quietly clicking shut behind her.

* * *

><p><strong>The end? <strong>

**This IS the last chapter I have written, but I realize I could easily add more to it... (only problem is that I myself don't know which direction to take it in... What WOULD Ziva choose? Feel free to let me know in a review if you'd like to read more, or just comment on this, of course, and make me super duper happy! :D)**


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